Beauty of Silence

There are times that I absolutely despise myself. I hate being prideful and I hate belittling people, and I hate trying to put myself on a pedestal. But guess what, I do it every day. And chances are, you do to.

Walking home tonight I was unusually quiet. A friend spoke up and asked me why I was so quiet. My answer was quick and simple. This what I said:

" I was thinking about my speech. I was thinking that, if I never belittled someone, or made myself look better than someone, nor did I make fun of someone, I would probably be silent."

And I was. I have the hardest time being humble. Many people know that. (Thanks for pointing it out!) My whole life I have ignored the simple saying, " If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I have always had to say something. I have always had to prove something, or always had to defend myself.

I recently looked up the definition of "Humble" and this is what I got.

Humble- having or showing a consciousness of one's shortcomings; modest.

That's what I lack. I admit that I have faults and tell people I am no good all the time. But I don't act like it. Still deep down I act as though I am the best, and I never mess up. What arrogance. What foolishness. Take it from me. It's a life of misery. It's really pathetic how I sound when at the end of the day, I play the things I have said over in my head. It makes me ill. Please learn from me, be humble.

But it's one thing to know something, and another to realize and apply something. You can't be humble if you talk all the time. Maybe that is an arrogant thing to say. Maybe I am the only one who can't be humble and talk all the time. But I think it is universally true.

I think of Jesus. The Bible records him preaching a lot. But I always see him sitting at a well, or in a synagogue. But what about all the times we don't read about Jesus. What about those long walks from place to place with his apostles. I wonder if he were quiet most of the time. I would love to spend time around Jesus and see if he really did talk a lot.

The Bible records Moses being the most humble man in the Bible. I wonder how that happened. He spent a lot of time by himself. Running all the way from Egypt to Midian and then being a shepherd for Jethro's sheep. He probably didn't talk much. Spending time in meditation and prayer is probably what he did a lot of his time.

I am starting to see a connection. I pray from humility every day. But still I catch myself, or others catch me, slipping up. I add my two cents when it doesn't matter. It's the small things that drive me nuts. A little attack there and a little defense there. What does it matter? What am I trying to defend? Jesus is the only perfect one, and when he had a chance to defend himself, he was silent, like a sheep led to the slaughter. I am becoming silent. I am becoming humble. I am becoming like Jesus.

Oh, the beauty of silence.

"Humble yourselves before the lord and he will exalt you." James 4:10